#32

Pain Gwen

“Smack my fish up!”

Hometown: The Antarctic Peninsula

Derby Position: Sea Level

Tell us about your derby alter-ego: Cold, mean, hungry for revenge, yet sooooo cute!

How did you get into derby? Why the Outfit? Enraged because of the destruction caused by the breaking of the Larsen-b ice shelf and a 70% loss of my species, I waddled North to find some way to make a change. I endured record-breaking high temperatures, chart topping tropical storms, and the GOP to finally get here! The Outfit was the only one wanting to help me in my redemption and as I strapped those skates to my feet and learned more about the sport, I knew I had found my heart song.

Who is your derby wife? Loretta Beretta is my derby wife. A true OG. We’ve been together since the Outfits first year and I am so lucky to have her as a coach this season! I would tell you more about how awesome she is, but she’s a friend diva and doesn’t have room for anyone new, so I wouldn’t wanna get your hopes up.

Did you play other sports previously? I played a lot of ‘Marco Polo’ as a young bird.

If you were a gangster, what would your calling card be? (How would you “off” your enemies?) I would off my enemies by flooding them with CO2s, creating a disturbance of their natural ecosystems. Then their food supply would endure a shift of seasons forcing them to starve! Once they are in a weakened state, I would raise and drop the temperature surrounding them creating a nature disaster of my choice that would whisk them to Uranus, the coldest of all the planets!

Random fact about you? Shellfish is my favorite food.

Awards/Honors:
2009 Smelliest Pads
2010 Most Improved
2011 Sassiest