Derby Love, on and off the track

The Joan Ranger and Queefer Sutherland

by Killer Zee

Derby can forge some intense relationships, more so than any other sport or club I have been part of. No one else but your teammates knows what it’s like to get wailed on three times a week, endure grueling drills, and run practices. While we have people outside of derby that support us -- why else would they come to see us?! -- no one really understands except the people that are right beside us on the line. For example, a recent conversation with my soon-to-be husband sounded something like this:

Me: I don’t know if I can go to practice tonight. I’m super tired and I feel like I suck.

Him: Then stay here with me! We can hang out.

Me: You don’t understand. I HAVE to go tonight.

While my fiancé is there for me and supports everything derby that I do, it’s hard to really understand the dedication it takes.  On the other hand, a conversation with my wife might sound something like this:

Me: I don’t know if I can go to practice tonight. I’m super tired and I feel like I suck.

Her: You don’t suck! Your blocking has been looking awesome, and I know where you live so if you’re not at practice you’re in big trouble.

Me: Ok, I’m grabbing my skate bag. <3 you.

Matza Ball Breaker and The Final Frontier are not to be messed with on OR off the track.
Matza Ballbreaker and The Final Frontier are not to be messed with on OR off the track.

 A derby wife has several definitions, but simply put, they are the person you have chemistry with, can talk derby to, and will have your back. For some, it’s a skater who joined the Family at the same time as you, and your skills grow together. However, not everyone has a “wife”. A derby wife is only as official as you make it. Some people propose and have ceremonies, while others may be polygamous or have derby ‘mistresses.’ There is no pressure to have a wife, because it’s a spark that naturally happens. Just because you don’t have an official “wife” doesn’t mean you lack a connection with your teammates.

Derby involves a lot of blood, sweat, and tears, and it means a lot to share that experience with other people. Here’s what some of the Outfit’s couples have to say about their wives:

Joan McDonald is my babe of a derby wife and together we're a Dynamic Duo. Without her I would be a dynamic dud.” – Queefer Sutherland

“We decided to join derby together and extended the love to the track. We've known each other for 10 years, and each collaboration we have solidifies our bond. We motivate each other in all aspects in life.” – Nikita/Final Frontier on derby wife Matza Ball Breaker.

Sneer and Loathing and 'mistress' Agony Andy are voted Cutest Couple Often Seen Wearing Fake Blood on Their Faces
Sneer and Loathing and her mistress, Agony Andy -- tough names, adorable couple

“She keeps me motivated and laughing through practice. It's really nice knowing that you not only get along with a league in general, but also make closer friends” Sneer and Loathing on mistress Agony Andy

“They're your wife, sister, and best friend.” – Loka In-Motion on wife, Maimy Winehouse

Come out and see these couples and the rest of the Chicago Outfit Roller Derby Family in our HOME CLOSER this Saturday, August 24th, at the Windy City Fieldhouse. Doors at 6:00, first bout at 7:00. See you there!